The Year in Quotes: Funny Things Kids Say (and their Parents, too)

Out With the Old.
Looking back, 2011 was a great year.  There were milestones and mountain tops, three big family trips (El Paso, Boston/Martha's Vineyard, and Austin (no link yet, but forthcoming for sure!), many moments of professional affirmation and validation for me and MT, and relatively few major mishaps or struggles. All of our parents are in great health (one with a new hip and one with a new knee), and all 5 of MT's grandparents are doing well, too.  In all, we have nothing to complain about.  (And yet, somehow, I still find things, like, "Do I have to see that same mini-Ditka beer commercial AGAIN?")  Plus, we have a new family member who is able to lighten up any situation.  Here is a too-cute-to-be-true moment from Christmas morning, and you can expect to see more videos/photos of our feisty feline ninja:

Milestone Recap.
This year Maria learned to read!  David learned to use the potty!  Maria grew three inches!  David can help cook without dumping everything on the floor! (Some still makes it to the floor, but just not everything anymore.)  Maria started school.  David is in a real bed.*  Our house has new steps (with wrought-iron railing), a new living room rug, a new shelving system in the mudroom, two new radiator covers, and an expensive looks-old-but-is-really-new shelf in the living room to store toys, what else.  Now we just have to finish paying for all of those things.  (New year's resolution #1: Get us to the BLACK!)

* We now have a trove of discarded baby stuff, like a changing table in the basement, and a dismantled crib in the "sleeping porch," which is mostly storage space for things that I don't want to put in the musty basement, like mattresses and our box of wedding memorabilia (anyone want an extra invite?).  All of that baby stuff is just sitting there, in limbo, wondering if it will get used again.  Waiting there, dutifully, patiently optimistic.  I imagine all that stuff getting excited every time we open the door to hide a present in there or get out the ironing board.  Well, it's not looking good for the baby stuff.  How can we possibly upset our new-found equilibrium?  Besides, didn't we just get a cat?  Even so, I can't completely shake the worry that we will some day regret only having two.  Then I am reminded of the fact that I also can't shake the worry that a third kid would kill us, perhaps literally.  

Who Said That?
So, as part of the New Year's retrospective, I have compiled a list of "quotables" from our house.  These are actual quotes of things that MT or I or the kids have said in the last year.  I am already compiling my list for 2012.    

  

"Just focus on the poop."  I say this probably 3 times a week.  And no, not to myself... Out loud.

David: "I pooped my pants when I chasse-chened."

David: "But I want the smell-good marker.  That's NOT the smell-good marker."

All of these "when I grow-ups" are Maria: 

"When I grow up, I want to be a restaurant server...at SNUFFY'S!"

"When I grow up, I want to be a scientist."

"When I grow up, I don't want to be a scuba diver anymore."

"When I grow up, I want to move to Sri Lanka."

David: "I. want. alco-HOLLLLL!"

DT: "Stop smelling that Sharpie."

David: "I didn't push Mr. Nils.  I said I SHOVED him."

MT: "I don't think your vagina needs lotion, Honey."

David: "I'm done with pants." 

Maria: "If you don't want anyone to boss you around, don't marry anyone."

Maria: "I had the greatest poop at school today!  It was shaped like a pillow!"

"David, are you excited pajama day tomorrow?"  "No."  "You don't want pajama day tomorrow?" "No.  I. Want. It. NOW!"

"Can you say 'David Kramer Bryan?'"  "No.  In a second, I'm checking my phone."

"I want to make sure that you are not bleeding on the couch -- keep your mouth closed."

Maria: "Vaginas are lovely."

David: "I want some flamingo!  More MINGO!"  (Yes, like the Cow Bell skit.  But he was talking about mango.)

David: "I 'cared of babies!  I 'cared of babies."  David, upon seeing his identical twin cousins drooling, grunting, and staring intently at him as they crawled closer and closer and CLOSER.  BTW, Happy Birthday, Boys! (Roughly one year ago, but truthfully, probably spoken at the tail end of 2010.) 

DT: "And no 'But Daddy's.'"

“Noah doesn’t like me as much as I like him.  Every time I talk to him he just says ‘Nuts! Nuts! Nuts!’ and covers up his face, or sometimes he doesn’t listen to me and says ‘blah blah blah.’” Maria, on her first unrequited crush.

DT: "I guess that wasn't supposed to go in the dishwasher."

DT: "It is not OK to put food up your nose.  If I see that again, it's a time out."

"You make me happeeee, when skies are great."  David, singing his old favorite song.

DT: "No, you can't take a weight to bed with you--and no 'But Daddy's!'"

"And you are SURE that you smelled poop?"

"Your nap is over, David." "No, it's not.  It's UNDER."

"Stop! Your butt's going to touch the toilet water."

DT: "David!  Don't run with scissors!" (So cliche!!  But also, so necessary!)

DT: "If you lick the wall, it's a double time out."

MT: "Please try to keep your hands away from your butt."

MT: "I totally mangled this f-ing turkey."

DT: "OK, you're kind of spitting in my face there."

DT: "Enough!  Enough! Enough poop talk.  I know you know words other than 'poop.'"

DT: "You need to wipe off your face and wash your hands. . . .  Not with your own spit, though."

Maria: "Daaaad - quit working on the computer and just focus on the popcorn!"

Maria: "And when both kids want to play with the same toy - that's why God makes babies go to bed earlier."  

DT: "We've been over this!  Don't draw with your spit!"

DT: "Fine, but next time we play identify the mystery stain - you get to smell."

David: "I want the recycling truck!" MT: "Well, maybe you should send Santa a letter."  David, after a pause: "I'm going to send Santa the letter 'd'."

Taking stock of the last year, I realize that MT and I are starting to pull ourselves out in front of the chaos a bit.  Our kids are easier to parent and we have transitioned from the constant chasing after toddlers into a family where one parent can actually step away to cook or clean or work or play soccer or go get a massage, and do so almost guilt-free.  Just having that extra 20 minutes to read the paper or the ESPN magazine makes all the difference.  2011 was the year that we got that back.     

Our days are wonderfully full. In fact, they over-flow, running over with David's laughter, Maria's imagination, Delilah's sneak attacks (those kitteh claws are freakin' sharp!), and our love for each other.  We are surely dwelling in the goodness of God. Every night we just say "good night," but we mean "good life."  It is a very happy new year in our house.  New Years Eve was the 13th time MT and I have clinked glasses and kissed in the new year.  Here's to lucky number 13!